Continued

He always had things ‘under control’, even at an early age. I, personally, feel that Pete probably thought he could CONTROL the heroin use. It ultimately controlled him. As we were growing up, Pete felt that he could handle ANYTHING. I like to call it “Superman Syndrome”. In the last few months when we began to question the changes in his life, his responses went like this: “I can handle this by myself.”, “I got myself into this and I’ll get myself out of it”, “It’s not your problem, don’t worry about me.” In the last few months of his life, we spoke frequently on the phone and visited several times. He was always concerned about everyone else and acted as if he was fine.

After discussing the changes that we were seeing in Pete, the question was brought up about drug use. I had contemplated questioning him. I was aware that, during college, he had become ‘comfortable’ using marijuana and there was concern that he had progressed to a harsher drug. I finally decided not to question him, as I felt that I would be disrespecting him with these accusations. I honestly felt that he was stressed out and/or depressed over his current situation. He had relayed to me several stressful situations regarding school, work, relationships and finances that lead me to believe that these were the root of his changes.

I realize now that signs of depression are often the same as drug use. I was not aware at the time that these are incredibly similar. I honestly don’t know if Pete would have told me about the heroin use, even if we had confronted him. If you are reading this and you are questioning drug use by someone you love, please ask questions. Please educate yourself on the warning signs of drug use and of the resources that are in your area. Be prepared with as much information as you can prior to discussing it. The focus should be on solutions and working together to overcome the addiction. Most importantly, DON’T GIVE UP. Overcoming an addiction doesn’t happen overnight or within a few weeks time. Of course, I regret not educating myself and confronting Pete about the changes. I have spent a large portion of the last seven years wondering how this could have turned out different.

There were people that knew of Pete’s heroin use. They were his friends that lived in Columbus. I do not know when Pete started using heroin and I don’t know who else was involved in the drug use. I will never know. There were many lies and hidden information after Pete died. Personally, in my opinion, none of this matters now. It was very easy to blame everyone around Pete at the time he overdosed. But the longer he was gone, it became apparent that he was the only one that was responsible for his death. No one forced him to snort heroin, he made that choice for himself. I do not blame his friends for anything. Obviously, I wish that that phone call would have been made. But, it wasn’t and I can’t change that. In my mind, things would have been a lot different. I would have done everything in my power to help Pete AND his friends’ who were using drugs. My family has been told that many people decided to get clean after Pete died. I pray that this is the truth. However, several of the drug use deaths since Pete’s death have been from people that were friends with him while in college.

I knew that Pete had used marijuana in the few years before he died. I have been told that the night he FIRST used heroin, he was high on pot. Pete knew about Gateway drugs, he knew the dangers. Was he so high on pot that he couldn’t make a responsible decision about the heroin? THIS SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED! I watched my brother’s life go steadily downward in the last few months. Heroin sucked the life right out of him. He didn’t go to his college classes, he didn’t go to work, and he didn’t pay his bills. He couldn’t win. No matter how hard he tried, this was stronger than him. He talked about moving away from college and ‘starting new’ in the last 2 months before he died. I think that he knew he needed to get away.. He didn’t deserve to die at age 24. He had so much to live for. He would have made a difference in this world.  My only hope is that through 'For Pete's Sake" we can use Pete's decisions and death to MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

If people think that using heroin is only about them, THEY ARE DEAD WRONG. Pete not only threw his entire life away, he has affected everyone in this world that loved him. He took 24 years of life with him when he went to heaven. The pain of losing one of my best friends is something that I deal with daily. My Mom has her own story. My Dad has his own story. Pete left behind another sister and a brother. He only ever got to hold one of his nephews. He now has 2 nephews and 2 nieces. What about our cousins and aunts and uncles. What about our grandparents. This does not go away and it definitely does not get any easier. If you are dealing with heroin in any way ~ PLEASE do everything in your power to get help. I would have turned this world upside down to help Pete. I would have sold my house and everything in it to put him into a counseling/rehabilitation center. Money means nothing. Love and family is what this world is about and I realize that now. I didn’t have a chance to help my brother. If you need help, please don’t wait another second.

I feel a great need for drug prevention in our school system. I feel that a personal perspective on drug use and death is a powerful tool. I have been giving public speeches regarding the heroin use and untimely death of my brother for several years now.  Feel free to email me at Marci@ForPetesSake.org with any questions or comments.